I would not be that stupid

October 30, 2011 § Leave a comment

Aside from making it hard to sleep at night, horror movies actually make me feel pretty intelligent. I find myself watching and critiquing the bad judgment the people inevitably have. When you watch a scary movie it always seems like the characters in the movie have never themselves seen a scary movie before.  Otherwise, how could they possibly be so unaware of what was about to befall them? I would never make the same mistakes. For instance:

I would never go driving down ANY dirt roads in the West Virginia much less take a Wrong Turn. Period. We all know this is what people from West Virginia look like once you leave paved society. They are just waiting to hunt you down and eat you.

I definitely would never go live with my husband for months by ourselves in a creepy old hotel completely blocked off from the rest of the world.He would probably be fine but I would surely end up like Jack Nicholson from The Shining.
I think I hate it most when someone ventures into an attic or a basement by themselves, at night, in a creepy old house. I mean come on. You deserve to die if you’re going to go and do that. This is always the point at which I start watching the movie through my fingers covering my eyes.
The thing I despise equally is when people split up when something happens or someone goes missing. Why on God’s earth would you split up when there is a psycho killer on the loose? You are just asking to be picked off one by one. I do love the bear hug door move though. Jason seems to like to show people just how strong he is.
You should also never get out of the car or bus to investigate a crazy winged creature that appears to be dumping a dead body on a farm in the middle of nowhere. That was back when Justin Long was still thinking like a PC.
 I would never go camping out in the middle of the woods without a dog. You will of course get turned around and tormented by a witch. The dog would have known something was up from the get go.
There was one movie that terrified me because it was something that could have happened to me multiple times in my life. Turistas. I thought to myself, “ok, maybe I was that stupid.” They could have easily harvested my organs at the sketchy dump I stayed at in the Pantanal in Brasil. The nice guy showing us around the town in the middle of nowhere in Nepal could have easily drugged us and who knows what.

Luckily I’ve gotten those adventures out of my system. Now I just have to stay out of the basement.

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